Making Change:
One Goal at a Time

I am of two minds when it comes to making personal changes in life: Don’t do it because it’s too painful; do it because change will ultimately benefit you. Mmmm. Sounds like fence-sitting to me.

It is early days in 2004.  Are you still sticking with your New Year’s resolution? What about your determination to eat healthier foods? Quit smoking? Exercise? Gain a better balance between work and family? Reduce spending or debt? Save more money?

Usually at this time we have either broken our New Year’s resolution or we are painfully living with trying to fulfill the goal that we set for ourselves in the celebratory environment of December 31st. Of course, the wise ones amongst us have decided not to make a New Year’s resolution at all.

Why do we do it? Why have the tradition of making resolutions to better ourselves at the start of a new year?

Historically, New Year’s resolutions date to the early Babylonians. The Babylonians celebrated New Year’s Day over four thousand years ago, although their celebration was in March rather than in January, coinciding with the spring planting of crops. The beginning of spring is a logical time to start a new year. After all, it is the season of rebirth, of planting new crops, and of blooming.  Popular modern resolutions might include the promise to lose weight or quit smoking. The early Babyloniansí most popular resolution was to return borrowed farm equipment.

It’s hard not to get the resolution urge on New Year’s Eve. There’s that sense of renewal, of rebirth, and the guilty awareness that you ate far too much chocolate during the holiday season. It may be true that last year’s resolutions didn’t make it past the 10th of January, but your optimism wants this year to be different, right?

Most of us don’t have a clue how to make a reasonable resolution, which is undoubtedly the reason why most of us fail to keep the ones we make. We set high goals for ourselves and then wonder why we never attain them. So we either stop setting goals–never a good choice–or make resolutions that are ridiculously easy to keep. I asked my son what his New Year’s resolution was going to be. He thought and then replied: “Clean my room once a week.”  An admirable goal indeed, but not one he’ll have to struggle to keep. He has been doing it for years, as the receipt of his weekly allowance is dependent upon it!

With a new year, we can expect a new life. We wish each other good luck and promise ourselves to do better in the following year. To do better implies the need to make a change in the way we are currently doing things. It sounds easy, yet making a change can be one of the most difficult tasks.

I remember when my husband decided to quit smoking. He stopped ‘cold turkey’. It wasn’t easy for him as he continually had the thought that he would never be able to smoke again. But he wanted to fulfill his goal. He reframed this thinking by telling himself that he was only stopping for one month. He gave himself the right to smoke again the first day of every month. If when that day came he decided not to smoke, he made the commitment to himself again not to smoke for another month. My beloved has never smoked since–and that was many years ago.

It does not matter whether you are one to make New Year’s resolutions or not. What is important is that if you plan to make a change, know thyself first. Are you willing to commit whatever it takes to fulfill your pledge to yourself? Even if this means hiring a success coach, you have to do whatever it takes. The alternative is not pleasant. Do not set yourself up for failure. You’ll only feel worse. Be reasonable. Start with one goal at a time and stick with it. I feel your success already.