Attraction is More than Skin Deep

Getting what you want out of life

Author Betty Healey

Most of us want to begin every day feeling, as the French would say, “se sentir bien dans son peau”: to feel good in our skin. Sometimes, as the day goes on, this feeling can be hard to hold on to.

Considerable public attention is given to the notion of being outwardly ‘attractive’ in our dress, hairstyle and size. The tabloids at the local store all feature cover art that promotes a standardized version of attractiveness: young, slender and blond, suggesting that aging is unattractive.

In business, being attractive includes the details of your résumé: the experience, education, and qualifications you will bring to your future position. In the interview, your speech, your responses to questions, your appearance and your poise are all aspects of your attractiveness.

Like books, we are judged by our covers. But what if attraction is more than skin deep? What if the extent to which you believe in yourself has more impact on your abilities and success than the clothes that you wear or the credentials and experience you have?

Law of Attraction 

Over the last three years I have become a student of the Law of Attraction, a law that simply states that ‘like attracts like’. On the surface, it appears to be a simple equation. I have learned, however, that this simple notion can be extraordinarily complex.

“By the powerful Universal Law of Attraction, you draw to you the essence of whatever you are predominantly thinking about. So if you are predominantly thinking about the things that you desire, your life expectations reflect those things. And, in the same way, if you are predominantly thinking about what you do not want, your life experience reflects those things.”    

        - Esther and Jerry Hicks, Ask and It Is Given

Therefore, if like really attracts like, attraction becomes much more than a surface issue. Your thoughts, words, beliefs and actions all become sources of your attraction.

Be clear on what you want

Is it possible that attracting what you want is simple? The answer is both yes and no. First you must be clear on what you want. As a coach, it has been my experience that most people are unclear about what they actually want. The power lies in the clarity and precision of the wanting.

A social worker, whose life work was to re-integrate parolees into society, discovered that two groups of prisoners emerged during the re-integration process: one group who successfully adapted to the world outside prison and the other who repeated their crimes and returned to their life behind bars. She recognized that successful re-integration was based on the prisoner’s ability to be clear about what they wanted. Typically she would ask parolees the following three questions:

• Where do you want to live once you are released?
• What type of work are you seeking?
• What do you want to earn?

The parolees who responded with specific answers to each of the questions were those who succeeded. Those who responded that anything would do were more prone to recidivism, and became the repeat offenders.

The second group failed as they were unable to identify clearly and specifically what they wanted in life. As a result, they were unable to divorce themselves from their habits of the past. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Breathe life into what you want

The second part of the Law of Attraction is to step into the scene and see your life as you desire it. I ask my coaching clients to visualize a scene from their future life and notice how their life has changed as the result of attracting what they want. For example, a gifted glass artist client of mine was asked to submit a proposal for a stained glass window in a church, something clearly on her “I want to attract” list. She imagined herself sitting in the chapel looking at the window and noticed the joy on the faces of the sisters who saw the window in their chapel. She stepped into the scene and visualized what she wanted.

This aspect of the Law of Attraction is crucial and is predicated on the belief that what you ask for is not only possible, but will inevitably come to you. There is no room here for disbelief or self-sabotage. For most people, belief is the most difficult aspect of the attraction equation. Breathe life into what you want—see the situation as it unfolds. Live it, taste it, feel it, experience it. Imagine what will happen as a result. Your ability to fully see and experience the result is essential in attracting what you want.

Allow it with grace and ease

The final step in attracting is to allow and receive. Allowing means getting out of your own way and giving space to allow your desires to enter your life. Unfortunately many of us set up conditions for what we want to manifest. You might be very clear in your desire to attract new business opportunities, while your inner voice says ‘but’: the time is not quite right, or it has to happen when I get back from holidays, or when another project is completed, or…

Trust is the essential ingredient. Don’t get hooked on the outcome, the timeframe, or in what form your request appears. Don’t set conditions. Just trust that a power greater than you is looking after how what you want will unfold. And then receive it with grace and ease.

Expect the unexpected

Be open to receiving what you requested and allow for it to appear in whatever form it arrives. Your work is to merely set the intention for what you want and then release the outcome in terms of how it will appear.

Being attractive from the inside requires a commitment to invest in yourself and do your own individual work. Personal development is too often downplayed by the “just do it!” attitude pervasive in our world and workplace. My choice would be to replace this with “just BE it!” Understand that you cannot attract what you want until your inner landscape–who you ‘be’–changes. If like attracts like, then you must be it before you can attract it, whatever ‘it’ represents for you. If you wish to attract generosity, you must first be generous. If you wish to attract gratitude, you must first be grateful.

Attraction is more than skin deep. Begin by re-kindling the most neglected relationship in your life: the relationship with yourself. As Gandhi said, “be the change you wish to see.” Now that’s attractive!

Betty Healey is a certified and licensed Strategic Attraction™ Master Coach and an award winning author of two books and supporting products. www.roadSIGNS.ca.