Communication Styles

What is your impact on others?

“Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open.”

~ Lord Thomas Dewar

We cannot “not” communicate. Our non-verbal behaviour speaks volumes whether we realize it or not. We’ve heard it before: “Know who you’re talking to and adapt your communication style to your listeners’ style.” As many times as we’ve heard these words to be the key for creating and managing relationships, I’ve found that people often do the opposite. Whether I’m observing a speaker or sales representative, or having a one-to-one conversation with a client, it’s obvious their messages are about them. They’re oblivious to reading their listeners’ non-verbal and verbal cues. This is not that difficult to do. Imagine where you could take your relationships with others if you took the time to listen to what works for them.

We have preferences—certain skills and behaviours that make us who we are. Recognizing styles in yourself and others can help you influence and build relationships and become a better communicator.

There are a variety of instruments that identify individual communication styles. For the purpose of this article, I’ve chosen the four communication styles identified by Swiss psychologist Carl Jung. These styles are based on tendencies to be task-oriented, versus people-oriented and easygoing, versus take-charge.

While these are simplifications, tendencies of the four styles are:

• Controllers: take-charge and want control of themselves, others and situations. They are task-oriented drivers and are only focused on the end goal.
• Collaborators: easygoing, relationship-oriented, and enjoy working with people to work towards consensus.
• Analyzers: detail-oriented, logical thinkers and analyze others and situations. Work best alone to come up with solutions; therefore, may take more time to make a decision and take action.
• Socializers: outgoing, thrive on change and enjoy meeting people. They get their energy from others and work best when brainstorming with others to make a decision and take action.

By being aware of your communication preference, you’ll have a better understanding of how others perceive you. The ability to recognize and adapt to your listeners’ communication styles will make them feel like you’ve taken the time to listen and focus on their needs.

You cannot be 100% sure what a person means through his/her non-verbal behaviour. However, you can look for consistencies in gesture, eye movement, tone of voice and facial expression. For example:

• Controllers are direct, prefer to be in control, have a sense of urgency, use louder volume, and express limited or no emotion.
  Collaborators appear relaxed, ask a lot of questions, have a win-win attitude, are hesitant to make decisions and are highly emotional with an expressive tone.
• Analyzers are cautious, logical thinkers, soft-spoken, use a monotone voice, use limited eye contact and facial expression.
  Socializers are outspoken, quick to make a decision, assertive, fast talkers, express how they’re feeling through gestures, facial expression and tone.

When communicating with:

• Controllers get to the point. State what’s in it for them and ask straightforward questions. Communicate confidently with a clear and concise message. Avoid clutter and fluff.
• Collaborators show an interest in them, listen patiently and give them a good “feel” about your message or what you’re asking them to do.
• Analyzers avoid small talk, present facts and data, and provide details about the process you’ll follow to service them.

Socializers show interest in them, be upbeat, and tie their personal experiences to your message.

What does your communication style communicate to others? Does your serious expression say that you don’t want to be there? Does the lack of eye contact communicate you’re disinterested? Does your quick rate of speech suggest that you’re in a hurry and that you don’t have time for them?

How to improve your communication style:

• Ask for feedback from your peers about your communication style.
• Audiotape yourself to hear what others hear.
• Take time to observe the behaviours of people you admire, and follow their lead.

Five characteristics for being flexible and open to others’ style:

• Be a good listener: ask questions to learn more; watch for non-verbal cues.
• Be open to change: be willing to change your mind, look for alternatives and work with others to resolve conflict.
• Be a learner: be willing to learn new behaviours and what makes others tick. Ask for feedback.
• Be positive: learn from your mistakes and move on; be proactive and take responsibility.
• Be respectful and sensitive: accept differences and show appreciation for others, and adapt your behaviour to match that of your audience.

If your listener’s facial expression, eye contact, tone of voice or gestures concern you:

• Ask if he or she has questions.
• Ask for his other opinion, thoughts and what’s important to him/her.
• Ask if he or she needs clarification.

Take this five-minute challenge: During your next conversation, watch the other person’s non-verbal cues. Pay attention to his or her reaction. Are you willing to adjust your style? Are you willing to adapt your message to grab his or her attention? Is your message for you or your audience?

If any of the skills mentioned don’t come naturally to you, take heart. You can develop them. They’re worth taking the time to learn because of the positive results you will receive. With a flexible communication style, you will be able to influence your audience to take action, avoid misinterpretation of your message, and build a stronger relationship with your listeners.

Stacey Hanke, founder of professional speaking company, 1st Impressions Consulting, Inc., has coached over 10,000 individuals and delivered over 500 presentations to national and international business groups, including Coca-Cola, Hewlett-Packard, and the Food and Drug Administration.

Article published in Your Workplace issue 11-4