Who’s in Control of My Beliefs?

It was on November 26th, 2009 when I first began to think about my beliefs relating to mental illness. I like to believe that I am progressive and non-judgemental, but Karen Liberman, Executive Director, Mood Disorders Association of Ontario (MDAO), raised an interesting point that got me thinking.

It was at the day-long seminar, “What’s the Bottomline – Cutting the Costs of Workplace Mental Illness”, that Karen stated: “Why is it okay for us to tell our colleagues at work that we have a doctor’s appointment, or need to get our teeth cleaned, but we are not comfortable stating that we have an appointment with our psychologist or psychiatrist?”

I didn’t have an answer, other than social conditioning. And I knew it didn’t affect me because I’m open-minded. My staff tells me when they have mental-health appointments. I’m cool, or so I thought.

Just before the date of this seminar I saw a hypnotherapist to help me probe a potential limiting belief. I told my staff that I was stepping out for a doctor’s appointment. Of course we are all entitled to our privacy, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it was privacy that I was guarding or a potential stigma associated with mental health.

It was an “Aha” moment, and merely the start of my growing discomfort.

That same day, I witnessed a beautiful moment between a mother, father and young child. They were laughing and playing together at the food court in a mall. The scene that I witnessed filled my heart with joy—then I stopped in my tracks and wanted to hide. It was embarrassing because I realized that it was the freedom of the biracial father and mother that I was enjoying, not the family moment. I should never have noticed the racial difference between these two lovers. Yet I did. Somewhere in my head I had a programmed script telling me that the relationship I was witnessing was not common. More accurately, the relationship was problematic and not condoned by society. Argh! But I am a progressive thinker!

Why am I pleased when I see women as pilots, doctors and CEOs of large companies? I shouldn’t flinch. It should be common, yet I notice the difference.

Why am I pleased when I see women as pilots, doctors and CEOs of large companies? I shouldn’t flinch. It should be common, yet I notice the difference.

A dear friend, Dr. Steve Robbins, came to my aid and he didn’t even know it. I knew that he was doing a keynote, so I crashed the conference to surprise him. He was the one who surprised me. Steve talked to the audience about multiple redundant messages. He talked about the impact information that we don’t even ask for has on us. Steve asked the audience what the slogan of Nike is, and of course we all knew—“Just Do It.” When asked to end the phrase “Snap, Crackle and…” we answered “Pop”, yet none of us had ever asked to learn this information.

Steve explained that the multiple redundant messaging of advertising makes its impact in our brains. We didn’t intentionally put it there and we can never delete it. But if we are aware of the messaging and want to change it, we need to challenge it with multiple redundant messages of beliefs that we do want. We can become mindful of the events and experiences that we want in our life, and start embedding these beliefs into our brain. We need to become more mindful.

I now know that when I see women in power positions I will continue to rejoice in the strides that women have made. I will also smile because I know that my son, nieces and nephews will not do so because their life experience is different than mine. The multicultural schools that they attended will allow them to rejoice when seeing, and only seeing, a joyful family.

And I will tell my staff—as they tell me—when I visit a mental health specialist. Maybe, just maybe, if all of us tell each other when we do visit a mental health specialist, then maybe we can make the discussion of our mental health a common, everyday occurrence.

Now that is a healthy thought.

This article was originally published in Your Workplace magazine issue 12-2