Emotions: Dealing with Anger

The failure of many organizations to deal directly with anger and conflict often reflects fear and ignorance; fear of making things worse, and ignorance about how to make things better. The emotional and financial fallout to employees and employers alike is staggering. Wrongful dismissal suits, supervisor intimidation, sexual harassment, stress leave, low productivity and job action all could be avoided with some foresight, planning and courage.

I am frequently asked to mediate toxic work situations that have arisen precisely because managers at all levels are ill-equipped to deal with the “intensity of emotion” that occurs in conflict-ridden or angry situations. Let’s face it — these situations are notoriously uncomfortable and draining for the manager. Avoidance as a strategy, however ineffective, quickly takes on a life of its own, as wishful thinking or turning a blind eye never resolves anything. To the question, “How long has this been going on?” the response is seldom less than a year, and may be two years or more. The trigger event may have been a violent outburst, a lawsuit, a walkout, etc., but the causes are long-standing and well-known to all parties.

A more telling reason why managers are so reluctant to deal directly with conflict is simply lack of training. Delivering tough feedback, listening to employee complaints, dealing with performance issues — these are all communication skills that need to be learned and practised. In addition, managers may hold mistaken beliefs about human behaviour and how people will react when confronted. Catastrophic thinking is very common, with managers worrying that people will either “break down” or “go postal”. Bad behaviour goes ignored or unpunished and innocent coworkers become victims or pawns in an increasingly corrosive culture and work environment. It is no wonder that more than 50% of disability claims are stress or mental-health related.

Dealing with anger in the workplace is admittedly hard work for all. By facing these tricky issues head on, with confidence and execution, managers need no longer feel at a loss when dealing with adversity. In turn, employees can feel a renewed sense of trust that “something is being done”.

What can you do about it?

Become a role model for the behaviours you want to see in others: This is more than just “walking the talk”. It means being open and transparent in your communications with others, listening better to what people are saying, and providing objective, accurate and timely performance feedback backed up by facts — not hearsay or innuendo. It is about being a leader who is seen as fair and just.

Be calm but firm in the face of anger or hostility: This essentially requires that you remove your “ego” from the situation and focus on the issues. It means acknowledging concerns without conceding to demands. So long as you give others an opportunity to “vent”, emotions can be managed and the stage can be set for further action. Clear decisions cannot be made when everyone is under emotional duress. This is very hard to do without training and practice.

Get over your discomfort in giving tough feedback: People are a lot more resilient than you think and are sometimes relieved when “found out”. With rare exceptions, most of us have a pretty good idea of how we come across to others, whether we are pulling our weight and conveying the “right attitude”. Your role as leader is to set the record straight without cruelty, rancour, or malice. It is about showing moral courage.

Prepare to mentor and assist: Like the proverbial hammer in search of a nail, anger is often the only emotion some people have to communicate. Anger can be a mask for depression, anxiety, inadequacy, fear of failure, or a need to prove oneself. It takes patience and compassion to look beyond the rage and see an older employee fearing displacement by a younger, tech-savvy generation, a new manager overwhelmed with her responsibilities, a parent dealing with a troubled teen, or a worker trapped in a bad marriage. You are not expected to be a therapist, but you need to be able to quickly bring in others who can. Skill upgrading, job reassignment, lieu time etc., may also be considered where appropriate.

Admit your mistakes and move on: Rarely is the manager perfect. Rarer still is the sincere and heartfelt apology. Sadly, it is a sign of our times that the pseudo-apology (“I am sorry you feel that way”) has taken the place of the real apology, (“Sorry, I screwed up”). The quickest path to renewed trust in a fraught situation is by the boss “owning up”. It also sets the expectation that everyone needs to be accountable for his or her behaviour.

Jack Muskat, PhD, is a Toronto-based
organizational psychologist, writer
and lecturer with over 25 years consulting
and business experience
with individuals and organizations.
He advises senior executives and
managers on selection and developmental
planning. Dr. Muskat is
an acknowledged expert on issues
relating to organizational culture and
leadership, succession planning and
strategic management. For the last
two years he has provided executive
career management services to
the Rotman School of Business, and
is currently an adjunct faculty at the
Schulich School of Business where
he teaches a course on leadership to
second-year MBA students.