How often do you engage in the kind of conversation that stimulates others to change their performance? First, reflect on the following: How many conversations do you have during an average day? 30, 50, 100? How many of these simply function as social lubricants, helping you slide through the day without having to address the real and important issues you face? How many of these conversations really matter?
Now, reflect on the significant conversations you had over the last week. Consider the following: at the end of the conversation did you feel complete? Did you say everything that needed to be said? Did you feel good about the interaction? If so, notice why. If not, consider what was missing. Notice if there was something else you wish you had said or done. Did you feel that you held back in the conversation? Did you find yourself later having the conversation you wish you had had with another co-worker, friend, or perhaps your spouse? Maybe you just have the conversation with yourself. If so, you are not alone. These are very typical reactions when we avoid the important conversation.