Me First

When I comment that we should each put our self first, the usual response is, “That’s selfish!” But is it? I challenge you to reconsider your reaction to the idea of being first, especially if you immediately assumed that it is selfish. ME FIRST is an act of Selfness, a critical learning and an understanding that to put yourself first, to be of service to self, is a strategy for remaining healthy, body, mind and spirit—and for continuing to be of service to others. Selfness is about bringing your life into balance. So much of your life is action-oriented, like fulfilling work requirements, doing errands and chores to sustain your family, or doing volunteer activities for your community. If I ask you to create a list of the many different priorities in your life, what would you write down? Typically priority lists include the many doings that fill and fuel your life. The next question is, where are you on the list? There are three possible outcomes. You aren’t on the list at all, or you made it to the list, but are located near the bottom, or, thirdly, you are at the top of your list. For those of you in the third category, well done. For the rest of you, your balance is in question. Putting yourself on your Priority List, is not to suggest more doing. It is designed to engage you in some “being time”. What is being time? Stopping, pausing, sitting down with only yourself, giving yourself time to reflect and breathe with no interruptions, and recovering from all the busyness in your life. It is a time to shift gears, to get centered, and just be. This is the essence of the Doing-Being balance. The 1% Rule Being on your priority list is a healthy choice, but you may ask how to fit you into your already jammed schedule. It’s called the 1% Rule. One per cent of your day, 24 hours, represents 14.4 minutes. That’s all that it takes—less than 15 minutes each day dedicated to you. This is a chewable chunk of time to bite off . To make this powerful commitment to yourself, you must build the 1% Rule into your day. The key is to make it easy. Here are three ideas: 1) Set your alarm to go off 15 minutes earlier then usual, and begin your day with 15 minutes of reflection. It can be meditation or simply breathing. It can be a time to set intentions, getting clear about what it is you want to attract during your day. Whatever your choice, it is intended as a time to listen to yourself. 2) At the end of the day, make your family aware that you are taking a 15 minute break after supper and before the start of evening activities. Be prepared with a strategy when interrupted. If you forfeit some of your ME FIRST time to the requests of others, take it back by tacking an equivalent amount of time onto your break. Others will soon learn to leave you alone, as the length of your break expands. 3) Finally choose a time mid-day, while at work, to simply close your door or step outside for a walk. Again, the goal is to pause and be quiet, to have an opportunity to tap into YOU. Boundaries Returning to the idea of commitment, ME FIRST only works when you are prepared to say “NO” to the requests of others. Many of you have lost your capacity to say NO because of the “disease to please” which is founded on a false belief that to please others is a necessity. At work, saying NO is often considered to be a career-limiting move. At home saying NO puts you at risk of being unpopular. Saying YES without discernment, however, is what leads to being overwhelmed, overburdened and under pressure and, taken to the extreme, leads to burnout and other illnesses. Learning when to say NO allows you to respect your own boundaries and teaches others the same. Recognize that when you do not respect yourself enough to know when NO is appropriate that others will not respect you and will take full advantage of this. Jack Canfield in his book, Success Principles, has a wonderful way of phrasing this, “I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me.” Start saying YES to you. ME FIRST is an act of serving yourself which gives you strength to serve others who are important in your life: your family, community and work colleagues. It is about creating a sustainable you, an essential strategy for staying strong and healthy. Place YOU on your Priority List of Life, before all other relationships and tasks. Invoke the 1% Rule, a minimum 14.4 minutes each day dedicated solely to you. Finally, establish your boundaries. Do not allow others to steal your time. Try it for 21 days. Notice how great you feel, and how others respond to you. Notice your effectiveness at work, your level of energy in the evening. You are responsible for you and you deserve the very best. What ME FIRST Time Offers You Engaging in ME FIRST time offers you limitless opportunities for exploring the inner landscape of self and remembering who you are. It is a way to remain healthy and resilient when your life feels out of control. Here are some opportunities for using your ME FIRST time in discovering/remembering YOU. 1 CLARITY – Be clear on what it is you want to attract to your life and ask for it. You know what is perfect for you, use your ME FIRST time to explore this and name what it is that you want in your life. 2 WRITE A PERMISSION SLIP FOR YOU – Begin to gift things to yourself. Balancing all the giving in your life with permission to receive. This too adds balance to your life. 3 NAME YOUR CORE VALUES – Take time to reflect on and declare your core values. These are the important guidelines by which you choose to live. When you name them, you will more easily be able to assess those situations outside you that cause disease. 4 ACKNOWLEDGE YOURSELF – See your greatness. It does not serve you to put yourself down. Use your ME FIRST time to remember all your achievements and successes and offer yourself a full measure of praise. 5 SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FANS – Choose your friends carefully and surround yourself with people who love and respect who you are, who support you in your endeavours and who are, on occasion, willing to challenge you in a loving way. They will respect your ME FIRST choices. 6 CONSIDER YOUR LEGACY – As your walk through each day, know that you do leave a trail. You can choose what this trail is going to be, for the betterment of humankind or not. Take some ME FIRST time to consider your legacy and what you want to gift onto others. 7 KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU “TICK” – Your tick is your passion, that driving force that gets you out of bed every day and allows you to engage in life. Explore what is at the centre of your passion and explore the degree to which this is showing up in your life.

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